Amanda's Book Club

The book that is changing my life these days is by Dr. Larry Crabb, called Men & Women, Enjoying the Difference. So you'd think it was about what men are like and how women work and all that. But I'm halfway through it and it's all about my selfishness. Men and women are equal in their fallenness and equally committed to advancing our own interests.
I was simultaneously reading another book called His Needs, Her Needs; Buildingt an Affair-Proof Marriage, by Willard F. Harley Jr. (I thought I'd beef up on marriage knowledge because Al and I have been nominated to lead the devotion at Shannon's bridal shower. I'm already nervous and losing sleep over it).
I couldn't help but notice what my thinking was after an evening of reading Willard's book. The conversation I had with myself went like this:
"That's right, I need Nathan to talk to me more. I just realized how much I really am craving conversation at the end of the day and he's not meeting that need very well...Okay, so Nathan's need is for me to be good looking and admire him. I'll work on that." All with the motive of avoiding an affiar.
After reading Larry's book the next evening, I could see which book was best for my heart. I'm very good at being me-centered instead of others-centered, but the scariest part is how justified I think my self-centeredness is. Deep in my soul, based on how I've been treated, my self-centeredness seems reasonable, and acceptible.
"Surely God agrees with me on this one. I'm not getting my needs met or being understood. I have a right to sigh and give the silent treatment."
It's exciting and sad at the same time. I'm usually more convinced that I am the victim and that the biggest tragedy is my pain and suffering when my needs aren't met. But God says the biggest tragedy is my selfishness and justifying my ungrateful heart. I'm usually not convinced that I need continued forgiveness so much more urgently than I needs relief from the pain and struggles of life. The exciting part is that He's showing me these things. I've been horrified at times after I respond to circumstances with a certain tone, thinking to myself, "Wow, I work so hard, wear myself out with these kids, fix a good meal, and this is what I get. I need a hug. This isn't fair..." resenting everything and forgeting the patience of God at that very moment for my gross ungratefulness.
Dr. Crabb says:
"As we value God's grace more, we change from selfcentered people who angrily yearn for relief from hurt to other-centered people who celebrate His forgiveness by longing to know Him better and make Him better known."
The key ingredient I'm often missing is being convinced that I need His grace, and forgetting that is a greater tragedy than any pain and suffering and unmet need.