A bittersweet day

Riley and Claire dressed in their matching polo dresses and plaid hair accessories and went off to school yesterday with nothing but excitement oozing from them. Claire was so shy. She confessed at the end of the day that she had talked to no one. When we left her she was smiling huge, but never looking higher than her name tag. It was precious and hilarious.
I had to go for a little drive around midtown so my eyes could clear up before we went to the grocery store.
We had a quiet day of errand running and humus making, and had sweet conversations with Kate. Kate had no one to pester, so there was not a scream in the house.
After school Claire fell asleep in the living room floor. And later she went straight to her bed, reclining on hoopy the hippo and sniffing Shirty. I sat on her bed and she told me all about her day. She is too precious.
So life feels more like it did 3 years ago when I only had two. Things stay clean a little longer, my brain doesn't rattle with screaming girls competing to be heard. But oh, how sweet it is to have them back at the end of the day. I feel the need to just follow them around the house to soak them up before they leave again.
But life does feel all the sudden more doable, if that makes sense. It's half as overwhelming and I feel a little guilty at moments. In fact, yesterday afternoon while Kate and Lola slept I thought, "This is too easy. Life can't stay this easy for long, can it?" And almost expect some added stress to present itself because...I don't know why. We just haven't given ourselves much of a break in the past 7 1/2 years. But I think it's happening! It is getting easier. Just like all the mom's of older kids told me it would.

I was just talking to one of my friends who also has 4 kids the same ages and we discussed how we had never had such a raging battle with sin in our lives until we'd had 4 kids at home. It's nice to have a friend who shares the same struggles of shameful lapses of insanity actually toward our children. Not that I am glad she scars her kids too, but you know...

I feel my sanity coming back. The creative part of my brain that I thought had died is starting to breath again. I know I'm a little dramatic, as if I was dead and now I'm alive. I don't want to say that at all, because I would find my life lacking such richness without these precious high-pitched singing, princess girls, dancing around me all the time. So I'm torn between a touch of pain from seeing them grow up and be closer to leaving, and this feeling of peace and taking deep, relaxed breaths and being able to slow down and do an art project with Kate, and rock Lola, and think clearly. It is a good season in the life of the Webers.