Ask yourself this...

It's so hard and so important to keep my heart on the right track.  My initial reaction in most situations is selfish.  I am quick to complain and point fingers and say, "This is too hard."  "This is not fair."  and "It's not my fault."  I justify my attitude because what the Lord has handed me is too much.

And then my kids see me curse the dog, gripe about poop, sigh at Nathan, do the dishes in a huff.
And then my favorite phrases pop out, "Why Lord?!", "My life!", "Oh my heavenly gracious!!"

I think it's so, so, so important to push pause, slap myself across the face and ask, "What is Jesus doing?"

I need to write it on all my chalk paint surfaces.

I get caught up in the whirlwind of all the things falling to pieces around me and I forget that the Lord wants my heart and my girls' hearts.  I'm just in fit-throwing mode; scowling; disgusted.  Bla, it's so unattractive.

What is Jesus doing?

It's a good question, because it's not self-focused.  It's not, "What do I want in life?" (not this) "Who am I?"(a crazy person) Or "Why me?" (punishment)

And I think it's a good question to ask the girls when the screaming and arguing escalate.  What's really going on here?  Is this an opportunity to lay your life down for your sister?
Or ask myself, Is this not the most perfect time for me to demonstrate free grace at a time when I should be least expected to be giving out hugs?  When it's least earned?  Surprise *hug*, I'm going to love you through your fit throwing.


This weekend, Nathan and I got away with friends.  But the whole job of getting dog and people packed, the dog kenneled, and the girls to the grandparents brought me to that insane place where I was accusing God of unfairness.  It involved collecting dog poop samples, the 3-yr-old's first  nose bleed (while my arms were full and we were finally walking out the door late), and lost keys in a pile of laundry, and like 12 other things.  I was a mess.

And of course, at that moment, I hardly had the sanity to drop my arm load of stuff, sit on the dog, wipe up the blood, ask "Hmmmm, what is Jesus doing?" and come away with a very clean and concise answer.

But it is helpful to just reset my thinking, "Whoa, this is craziness.  What's He doing?  He's in control.  He wants my heart.  I'm not sure exactly what He's doing here in this moment.  But He's not absent."

That's why I like to ask it.  Not because I always come away with an answer, but because I remember that He is with us in the gigantic mess of us.
It warms my heart, reminds me to hug the little girls, take deep breaths, and makes me grateful again.  I'm cared for.  He's concerned for the things that concern me.  He's lovingly bringing us through nose bleeds and dog poop, shaping our hearts, calling us to Himself.

And it makes me attentive to the message I'm sending the girls with my own reaction.  I do things the wrong way a lot, so it causes much pause when I finally say, "Girls, wow, what is Jesus doing?  Is He speaking to your heart?  Maybe we need to talk to Him about all of this?"  It's helpful to reset the heart in that way.

There's my chalk wall with my question of the day.